


Love It If We Made It: Oikawa Tooru x Reader

by foxisune



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fanfiction, Heartbreak, Manga & Anime, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:27:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26487907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxisune/pseuds/foxisune
Summary: You are Karasuno’s volleyball manager, and when you tag along to their first match against Aoba Johsai, you reconnect with your childhood friend, Oikawa Tooru. A relationship soon develops, along with feelings that weren’t present before. Problems soon arise though, because of his reputation, and your troubled past that he didn’t know about.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 124





	1. We Meet Again

**_Everything happens for a reason._ **

That's what you always told yourself, realizing that one choice you made could lead to endless possibilities and situations you never thought you would find yourself in. It was far too easy to slip up, and let the world you had spent years creating turn to dust and fall between your finger tips.

You learned that the hard way, yet you were strong enough to pick yourself back up.

Joining the Karasuno Volleyball club as their manager came out of desperation on your end. In truth, it was a favor for your friend Kiyoko, who knew you were going through a tough time. When she explained the challenges, but emphasized that she couldn't do it all herself, you decided it was a good way to take your mind off things, while also helping others. Kiyoko was quiet, but it was her way of showing you she cared, by sharing her world with you and providing an outlet.

You needed something to do. Something that you could focus your energy on to forget your ex-boyfriend, the boy that had broken your heart. Along with that emotional trauma, you also had to deal with a devastating death in your family, your younger brother. Within the blink of an eye, those two events had changed you as a person. For two months, you had locked yourself away in your room to deal with it. And those who cared for you had started to grow worried.

That's why you were beyond relieved when you first walked into that gym, bombarded by underclassmen that soon became your friends. They were so happy, they were so passionate. Their optimistic nature began to inspire you in other aspects of your life.

Knowing you had a rambunctious group of boys to take care of, all the while alongside your friend, the massive hole in your heart began to repair itself.

As the weeks passed, the bond between you and the Karasuno volleyball club grew stronger, and you found yourself falling back into your healthy habits. You were smiling again, you were laughing again.

"What are you thinking about Y/N?" Hinata surprised you suddenly with a question. He had practically teleported to your side so quickly that you jumped.

"Oh!" You laughed, looking down at him with a smile to mask the once nostalgic expression that had graced your face. "I'm just really proud of you guys for making it this far."

The two of you stared down at the polished wood floors, the rows of stands, and the many, many schools that were preparing their fan sections for their upcoming games. It was the fall tournament, and the boys had won their first couple games—but now they were going to face an strong opponent- Aoba Johsai.

"Not you guys, it's us." Hinata said, conviction heavy within his tone. "We couldn't have done this without you."

A chuckle escaped your lips as you nudged him. "You're laying it on thick today."

Grinning, the orange-haired first year gave you a thumbs up. "I just want our Senpai to know that she's appreciated."

"-you have done a lot for us." Nishinoya joined in as the rest of the group caught up with you and Hinata.

All the boys had heard about your brother's accident. The trauma of it all was still looming over your head, threatening to take over your conscious at any moment. Perhaps the boys knew that being able to help and take care of them was a replacement for the family member you had lost. It felt good to be apart of a group again, with people who appreciated your time and efforts.

"Then I hope we win today." You made sure to use the inclusive pronouns. "So you didn't waste my time!"

"There she is!" Tanaka laughed a little too loudly. "Stop looking so nervous and keep making those jokes."

"I'm not nervous." You puffed your lip out, realizing the entire team had now surrounded you.

"You look really nervous." Kageyama finally spoke in monotone, seeming to deal with his own nerves in a completely different way.

"Okay fine." You grumbled. "I'm nervous."

The boys laughed.

"Why?" Kiyoko joined the huddle, looking concerned as she gazed at your face. You were trying really hard to remain calm.

Awkwardly twirling your hair between your finger tips, you tried to avoid locking eyes with anyone. "I don't want to put pressure on any of you-"

"Just tell us, it's okay Y/N." Suga's calm and reassuring voice whispered from behind you. The look in his eyes conveyed that he already knew what you were thinking, because that was also what was on his mind. This was your last year. Your last tournament. If you lost; it would be over.

"I really need you guys to win." You said. "Because I don't want this to be our last game."

It was true, when you thought about it for long enough, the threat of your time in the Karasuno volleyball club could be over in an instant.

Kiyoko gave your hand a reassuring squeeze, knowing you had grown to love the sport, and it's players, as much as she had. This moment was bittersweet.

"We will try our best, Y/N." Hinata said without his usual smile. Whenever that happened, you knew he was serious.

A brief moment of silence hung over the group, as if their situation had finally sank in.

You finally lifted your head to meet everyone's gaze. "Thank you all, really. Being apart of this team has helped me more than I can explain."

All of the boys replied instantly, more than happy that you were there with them. You could tell you meant a lot to them. Well, except with Tsukishima— but you knew you would eventually get there.

"Alright everyone, let's get to work." Coach Ukai encouraged as the tender moment faded. "We can't disappoint our managers."

He nodded at you, and you smiled back. When you really wanted to, you were a great pep talker.

"Now, Use your looks to distract our opponents!" Tanaka teased as he walked past you. Teasingly, you stuck your foot out to try and trip him- but his fast reflexes allowed him to casually step over it.

"Nice try!" He boasted.

Giggling from the interaction, you and Kiyoko crossed the volleyball court and to the coaching staff benches.

"Third years now have the ability to participate in the spring tournaments." Kiyoko said as the guys wandered off to begin warm-ups. "So if you want to, we can come back next semester."

"Really?" You breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God."

"I could tell you were getting sentimental."

Feigning discomfort, you slumped next to her dramatically. "Knowing that beforehand would have been nice. I just embarrassed myself in front of the team."

"I think they needed to hear that from you." She said with honesty.

The genuine expression she wore warmed your heart. You and Kiyoko were incredibly different, yet incredibly similar. You always appreciated the time you spent with her, she was an important friend.

Your eyes drifted to the opposite side of the net. The team still hadn't arrived for warm-ups.

"We're playing Aoba Johsai right?" You asked, eyes searching the gym for their supposed school colors.

"Yes." Kiyoko had already immersed herself with writing down notes on her clipboard.

The name Aoba Johsai felt so familiar, as if you knew someone who attended that high school. Yet, you couldn't quite put a finger on it.

Though you were well-known at Karasuno, you were unsure about other high schools in the area. You weren't the type of girl to care about people you didn't interact with on a daily basis, even if you were considered popular.

You just went about your days trying to be kind, and trying to make a name for yourself. The last thing you wanted to be known for was what happened earlier in the year. You didn't want to be pitied.

But sometimes, the people from your past are the only ones that can heal you. Sometimes, it's better to reflect and appreciate everything that happened, even if it hurts.

_Everything happens for a reason. Even if that reason doesn't seem clear at first glance._

The gym doors squeaked open, and in waltzed Karasuno's opponent- Aoba Johsai.

Though only a portion of the fan section had arrived, excited cheers sounded from the stands. You scowled, wishing your classmates had come to support your team. It definitely would have had an effect on the players, since half of them loved praise and affection.

Starting from the bottom already put you at a disadvantage. Unlike your opponents, Karasuno had a reputation to build back up. Every game counted. Every game mattered.

With that thought in mind, you had lost focus through all the noise. You could feel your nerves creeping back, threatening to overtake your smile, one that was needed as a morale booster for your players.

"Look pretty." Kiyoko teased, mocking Tanaka's ridiculous suggestion. Not every boy got worked up about girl managers with good looks like him and Nishinoya.

But still, out of habit, you ran a hand through your hair and flipped it behind your shoulders. Though you weren't the star of the show, you could still feel eyes on your back.

You needed to keep your composure. Because of her extended time as the volleyball club manager, Kiyoko has perfected her posture.

"I'm going to get some water." You whispered, standing up from the bench. That would definitely be the best option since your throat was starting to tighten.

Walking quickly, you reached the shared water table that was provided to both teams. A great plus when participating in tournaments.

Out of curiosity, as you grabbed a water bottle and took a sip, your eyes drifted to the other side of the net, where you were met with a striking, familiar, set of deep brown eyes.

For a moment that seemed to stretch past time limitations, you stood frozen in place.

"Tooru?" You whispered, voice drowned out by the cheering and movements of the players on court.

Your heart fluttered at the sight of him. It had been years since you parted ways.

Oikawa had been staring at you before you realized it was him. His look of astonishment quickly switched to one of wonder once he realized your lips had formed his name. "Y/N?" He mouthed back, flashing his notoriously handsome smile.

Without thinking, you crossed the threshold to the other side of the court.

"Oh my god-" You managed to choke, stopping abruptly in front of his towering figure. "I never thought..."

His expression wavered, as if it was begging you to follow through with the natural actions that filled your mind.

As if you had done it the day before, you threw your arms around his neck and pulled him down for a tight embrace. For the first time in a long time, you didn't care what anyone else thought about your actions.

"Hi again." He chuckled at how rash you had become, knowing you must have been overwhelmed to see him with how openly you were showing your emotions. Curling his arms around your torso, Oikawa chuckled in your ear. "You look great."

You pulled away, studying the changes he had made to his appearance. He had grown into his stalking height, one that he used to get teased for. His hair was silkier, his eyes wiser. "So do you!"

The boy's touch lingered. "Wow." He breathed, short on words. "I never thought I'd see you again, but I really hoped."

You met his piercing gaze, one that seemed to flicker across parts of your body that a normal friend would restrict themselves from staring. "Me too."

Your excitement passed though, as soon as you realized that the eyes of both teams were on you. Darting your eyes away in embarrassment from your rash actions, you recognized another familiar face. The regret that had built up inside of you dissipated within an instant.

"Haijime!" You waved, beckoning him to come closer.

"Hi, Y/N." He smiled, also bending down to give you a friendly hug. A hug that was much different than Oikawa's.

Teasingly, you continued the conversation. "I see that you two are the same. Still obsessed with volleyball."

Oikawa rolled his eyes. "Duh, of course. But what's more surprising is that you're a volleyball manager?"

"Yeah, I never thought that would happen." Iwaizumi added. "We inspired you, didn't we?"

Grinning from ear to ear, you nodded, reflecting on the hours that you had practiced with them. Before you had moved, the three of you would spend hours at the gym. Joining the Karasuno volleyball club had rekindled your love for the sport. And the boys were surprised that you had so much previous knowledge, which was now obvious that it had come from Oikawa.

Though what saddened you was that you had forgotten all about that. Your wholesome memories had been replaced with something far more grim.

"Hey!" The Aoba Johsai coach yelled from the opposite side. "Get back to business, all of you!"

The three of you turned and noticed that the rest of the team had stopped what they were doing, and seemed to be gossiping about your relationship to Oikawa and Iwaizumi. You immediately blushed, your contempt flooding right back in.

"Oi! don't look at her like that! She's not a piece of meat!" Oikawa pointed aggressively at his teammates, causing them to scatter and pretend they had been invested in their warm up practices the entire time.

"You're just mad that everyone is staring at her, and not you." Iwaizumi gave him a slap on the back for good measure. "Focus now."

Iwaizumi wandered off, leaving you one more brief moment with Oikawa. He glanced behind him, then back to you, looking somewhat regretful. It was most likely because the outcome of this game was going to be disappointing for one of you.

"Wait for me after the match, okay?" He asked, yet it came out more desperate. In a way that caused your heart to hammer in your chest. You really couldn't figure out if it was because of him, or if it was because of all the eyes you could still feel pointed towards you.

Throughout your younger years, Oikawa had boosted your confidence, and pushed you outside of your comfort zone. But things were slightly different now. Someone as outgoing as him could tell you had become timid, for reasons he didn't know yet, but hoped he would eventually figure out.

"Good luck, Tooru." You smiled. "You'll need it."

All he could do was flash you a devilish smile.

Oikawa had always been a flirt. It was somewhat comforting to know that his bubbly personality hadn't changed. At least on the surface. He had always commanded the attention of everyone in the room, which made your more reserved nature recoil in embarrassment.

But now, at least on the surface, you could handle it.

Because your parents moved all those years ago, you had never gained the opportunity to tell him how much he had meant to you. But as you watched his presence command the movements of his team, you realized that now was your chance.

Turning back to your teammates, who were all as equally surprised, you scratched the back of your neck awkwardly. "I'm sorry for interrupting." You apologized.

"Y/N, you know Oikawa?" Kageyama was the first one to ask.

"Y-yeah... we were friends in middle school, before I moved here."

"Interesting." Hinata dramatically set his chin in his hand, stroking it as if he had a goatee. "Y/N-chan knows both the kings!"

Kageyama immediately smacked the back of Hinata's head. "Shut up dumbass!" He scolded.

You stifled a laugh, encouraging them to continue on practicing, reassuring them that you were still crossing your fingers for Karasuno to win.

"Y/N took my suggestion a little too seriously." Tanaka sighed, watching you shyly make your way back over to the coaching bench.

"She's so popular and beautiful." Nishinoya added. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I really wish I was Oikawa right now."

Feeling more pumped up than you had before, you shouted a cheer from the sideline. "Don't disappoint me boys!"

* * *

Knowing that volleyball meant the world to Oikawa, you were somewhat relived that Aoba Johsai had won the match.

You would be there for your team in the end, but in this moment, you couldn't be there for Oikawa. You hadn't been for years. That's why you were relived, knowing you couldn't stand to see him upset.

"Don't look at me like that." He teased.

"Like what?" You deadpanned, trying hard to remain upset with him, since he had just ruined Karasuno's chance at participating in the fall nationals.

"Like you're trying to hate me. Because I know you can't."

Finally cracking a smile, you averted your gaze with embarrassment. "You're right."

Oikawa instinctively stepped closer. The proximity caused your heart to pound in your chest, surprisingly because you had never felt like this with him before.

"Even if we lost, I still would have felt that I won." The boy didn't need to explain what he was referring to, because you knew it was about you. It was because you were in his life again.

Trying to remain calm, you scrunched your nose. "Now you're laying it on thick."

Seeming to accept the challenge, Oikawa continued with his flirtations. "I find it strange that I usually get everything I want, but I somehow never got you." The third year laughed sadly, staring up at the pale blue sky. He had always hoped to see you again, but he had never expected it to be in this way.

"You don't even know me anymore." You said, not intending for your words to come out so harshly.

You were right. Oikawa hated it, but you were. And for some reason it made you that much more attractive. Personality wise, and looks wise. Your maturated appearance didn't help his thoughts from wandering.

He had missed your presence more than he had realized. Knowing that you were going to be in his life again gave him a strange sense of hope. It seemed that he had been holding onto them at dream since you parted ways at the end of junior high.

Your parents moved away, taking you along with them. Since your childhood friend was no longer your neighbor and you didn't go to the same high school, your friendship prematurely ended.

Oikawa wish he had tried harder to keep contact, but something told him you might be better off without him. He was going through his own troubles, and needed to focus on himself.

"I should have called you, or something... I don't know." Oikawa admitted. Though it had been years, he still felt comfortable enough around you to speak his mind.

You were the only girl he could ever do that with. He had searched far and wide to replace you, but he always ended up empty handed. Perhaps he should have searched for you instead.

"It's okay." You assured, knowing that life had moved fast for the both of you. You would never hold a grudge against him for that, being young and naive, trying desperately to fit into your new environments. It also didn't help that neither if you had cellphones when you moved away, therefore making it practically impossible to keep in contact. "We were both busy."

Oikawa knew you were putting on an act, but it also seemed genuine. To him, you had always been confusing, your thoughts and emotions so complex that it frightened him. Girls like you had always been hard to find. Ones that were able to explain their resonating so well that it caused them to reflect on their own actions and behaviors. You had always kept Oikawa in check.

But right now, the spirit that he had grown to love was barely visible. He could tell you were happy to see him, but something inside you had been wounded. Whatever it was, Oikawa could tell you were hurting. And every fiber in his being wanted to fix it.

"What happened to you, Y/N?" He asked suddenly, the look in his eyes convincing you that you had done a terrible job concealing your emotions.

Averting your gaze, you shifted awkwardly on your toes. "A lot has happened, Tooru. Too much to explain now."

You could hear the boys loading into the bus, some of them shouting your name in reminder to hurry up your conversation. You glanced back and saw that Kiyoko was waiting outside the vehicle for your return.

Smiling to dispel the haunting memories, you continued. "I would rather hear about you for now. You must be really happy that you won."

"I worked hard...I worked my ass off for years to get where I am today." He kicked a rock across the cement sidewalk. "Watching Kageyama play so well helped me realize that I had been slacking. I guess I forgot what that feels like."

"But?" You pushed him to continue.

Oikawa grimaced, and for a moment, you wished you hadn't asked that question. "Our next opponent will be harder."

It was true. Oikawa had worked hard all his life. He hadn't been blessed with raw talent like his underclassmen Kageyama, but he followed his dream, he had followed his heart.

For some reason though, as he stared at your glowering expression, he began to second guess himself. Maybe he had been doing it wrong.

"Don't give up then." You said, voice wavering with conviction that surprised him. "Whether you were born with it or not, you still have talent. There's still ways to utilize that after High-school. If you really love volleyball then you will continue."

Oikawa's eyes widened.

"This is strange coming from you, who's been rubbing off on you?"

You chuckled. "Nobody. I just know what to say to you."

You were right again. You encouraged him in the most perfect way, but you never praised him like the others. Oikawa's mother always told him to never accept too much praise, and to never get too full of himself.

You were real. You weren't fake like the other girls who only fawned over him for his looks. He would have preferred you to watch him from the stands with genuine interest for the sport, unlike the other girls who were only there for him.

_Why?_

Because it was the truth. And it was normal. People who work hard to get to a certain point, stop once they reach it. But that's not what he had done. He kept trying. The boy tried harder than he needed to become the best.

No matter what anyone said, Oikawa knew he had to keep trying. He couldn't let his pride get the best of him like it had in the match against Karasuno.

Just by looking his way, he knew what you were thinking. Only a girl as special as you could make him realize that. A girl that had known him from the beginning.

He laughed at first, causing your eyes to drift towards him. You didn't seem surprised, instead, you were calm. "Well, I'm glad that hasn't changed."

You smiled as your hair rippled to the side from a gust of wind. "I missed you, Tooru." The tone of your voice was filled with hope, directly asking him to make the first move, and to not let you leave without a promise to see you again.

"I think it's finally time that you gave me your number." Oikawa held his phone out for you. You tried desperately to hide the blush that was creeping along your face. Everything he did was flirtatious, yet in a way that was childish and made you remember how you used to play with him back in primary school.

After typing in your number, you handed him back his phone. The entire time, you could feel his eyes on you, studying, lingering.

"Well," you apologized, gesturing behind you. "I can't keep them waiting."

"Go ahead, Y/N. I'll text you."

"I'll be waiting." You whispered, barely audible enough for him to hear. Turning on your heels and jogging towards the bus, you glanced behind your shoulder one last time, as if you were afraid to let him escape your gaze. Times were different now, you would see him again. You were sure of it.

You flashed him a smile.

Oikawa shoved his hands in his pockets. You would never know that you had already won over his heart. You had all those years ago, and your presence within him had remained.

Then you left, hoping and praying that he would keep his promise. Hoping and praying that nobody had taken your place.

True love wasn't real, you knew that well enough from your past experiences. Yet deep down, your heart claimed differently. You could anticipate what was going to happen. 

* * *

  
  


**_Four months ago_ **

_Your hands trembled._

Your thoughts raced as you swung your legs over the railing of your balcony, gazing at the stars that twinkled brightly in the sky.

Your bare feet brushed the plants underneath you, fresh dew gathering in their crevices.

You managed to smile.

It was a quiet and beautiful night. The moon illuminated the oak trees so mysteriously, it would have intrigued you on any other night.

But right now...

 _All you wanted to do was forget him_.

It had been almost a month since the breakup, but you couldn't seem to forgive his iniquitous mistake.

You were a relatively calm and understanding person. But his betrayal had left you in shambles. Haruki was his name, and he had cheated on you with a girl in a different class- who knew that he was your boyfriend. A girl that hated you for no reason, only because you had something that she did not.

You had never been in a situation like this. Nobody had ever taught you how to handle the feelings that came along after heartbreak.

Your supposed first love had cheated on you, yet you didn't know how to respond. How could love just... _disappear_? Did he ever even love you? Had you wasted the last two years of your life on him?

You were bitter, angry, and confused. Time was supposed to heal wounds, and it did, but only to an extent.

You were a completely different person now. Some would say stronger, but some would say weaker. You had been out of touch for quite some time. And now you were finally sinking back into reality.

But what made you the most addled, was that you couldn't remember his face. It made you so angry to realize that you could forget a face you had studied for so long. Your stomach felt sick as you tried to remember the color of eyes, the taste of his lips, his smile, anything... But you were blank. You had already started to forget about the man you loved, but with good reason.

You had been so lost. And that's why it hurt so bad. You had been vulnerable, you had been taken advantage of. You felt sick knowing you didn't break from his spell on your own.

You winced, partly from the nighttime breeze, and partly from the cold hard truth. _Haruki was the liar._ But somehow you felt like it was your fault. How could you ever trust someone like that again? You had fallen head over heels for someone who was way under your league, pouring all of your love into the relationship.

You had tried your best to make it work, you had given him everything. All of your time, all your emotions, and all of your body.

But it was never enough. _Why were you not enough?_

You had made a fool of yourself. You had begged him to stay, because you felt guilty about letting him take your virginity. Haruki had cheated on you, thrown your love away like it was nothing, and left without seeming to care. But the thing was, you _still cared._

You could only hold yourself together around your family and friends. But when you were alone like this, your mind drifted away.

You regretted the decisions you'd made with him. You _really_ did. You had blindly followed a boy into a destructive relationship, thinking that he could be a man. Thinking you could fix him, and thinking you could make him better.

But if someone doesn't want to change, they won't. It hurt like hell. Because that's when you realized that people always lie.

Your love was wasted on a boy who didn't deserve it.

Guilt crept into your subconscious. Though you didn't want to admit it, you felt that you had disappointed whoever you were going to end up with in the future.

You leaned against the metallic railing, ears perking up at the undertone of cicadas. They sang mindlessly into the night, like you once had.

It wasn't meant to be, and that was alright. Yet it was still painful, the memories causing tears to prick at your eyelids. You felt helpless at times like this. Why couldn't you just forget about everything and move on?

You desperately wanted to, but deep inside, something was urging for you to never forget this pain. You had spent countless nights in this very position, staring up at the stars, cloudy sky or clear.

And it finally spelled out for you. You were never meant to brush these emotions aside. Instead, you urged to hold them close to your heart. You would never forget your mistake, so you would never make it again.

You had learned, you were stronger. You were different.

You had to put on a show for far too long, masking the pain Haruki had caused you until it was too late.

Now your broken heart was already healing.

Looking up into the black sky once again, you smiled for the first time in days. Tomorrow you would be looking at the same stars through a different lens.

You were changing, while he would stay the same. That was the greatest revenge of all. You would live on _without_ him.

That was what you had convinced yourself until your mother called you the next day, and relayed the devastating news that your brother had died in an accident.

And just like that, two of the most important people in your life were gone.

And back into the spiral you fell. 


	2. More Than This

**Tooru** 💕 **:** _hey pretty lady, come watch me play tomorrow 🥴_

 **Y/N-chan** 🦋 **:** s _end me the addy and I'll be there :-)_

That promise you kept. Though you were loaded with hundred of responsibilities, you managed to carve time out of your day to attend Oikawa's prelims.

The introvert in you begged to have someone attend with you, but the extrovert knew it was better if you gained the courage to go by yourself. Nobody else would understand how important it was to you and to him. And frankly, you didn't want to explain your relationship with the handsome setter. 

Just thinking about Oikawa made you blush. Thinking about how important he had been to you, the things you went through, every smile, every hug- even the one kiss. Your first kiss.

Though you hadn't seen the boy in years, his presence had never left.

In a way you couldn't describe, his soul had shaped yours. Even if it sounded rash coming from someone so young and naive, you felt that you had met your other half.

You _needed_ him, and you had been missing him for far too long. 

The thought caused your throat to tighten. _How could you ever gain the courage to tell him that?_ Someone who had always been so outspoken, so kind, so gentle.

Admitting your feelings at this time could ruin everything. You felt like you had missed your chance.

And sadly, you knew Oikawa had problems too. He was just excellent at hiding them. Hiding behind the persona he had built up ever since he had joined the volleyball club in sixth grade.

You were just happy to see him again. Right now, that was all you wanted to think about. He was by your side again, in the little ways he could.

So you had to return the favor. Though you had no other business attending a high school volleyball game that wasn't your own, you waltzed into the gym, standing off to the side by the railing in front of the student section.

 _Stay calm._ You repeated, feeling the eyes of hundreds of students on your back. Having someone by your side would have been the right cure. Perhaps it was a brainless move to wear your Karasuno volleyball club zip up sweatshirt.

 _No._ You squeezed your eyes shut. _Be confident. Do it for Oikawa if not for you._

Before you could sulk further, the doors on the opposite side of the gym flung open, and as per usual, Aoba Johsai waltzed in with nervous smiles upon their faces, and others with stone cold glares.

Knowing Oikawa, most people would expect a smile be placed upon his face—but you knew better. His confidence only reached so far. He was a nervous wreck.

Oikawa walked beside Iwaizumi, silent.

You heard anxious squeals from the top stands on your right, and you managed to refrain from rolling your eyes. Of course his creepy fan girls came. Why would you expect anything less? If only it made sense for people to come because they loved watching the sport, and not because they had a crush on a senior boy that didn't even know their names.

 _Wow._ You bit your lip. _Why were you so angry?_

Suddenly flustered, you awkwardly rubbed the back of your neck to relieve some tension.

Your movements caught Oikawa's eyes from above. He lifted his head, finally noticing your arrival.

His permanent frown vanished at the sight of you.

"Hi!" You waved, hoping your interaction wouldn't draw too much attention. But everything involving Oikawa drew attention.

Staring into his deep brown eyes was a blessing. Nobody had ever made you feel so whole, so appreciated and loved.

He seemed to acknowledge your discomfort, and again, like the old days, he tried everything he could to make you feel relaxed again.

"Y/N-Chan!" He seemed to sing, disregarding all the other people in the stands cheering his name, trying desperately to gain his attention.

Not knowing how to react, you put your hands together and shaped a heart. That was all you needed to do to show Oikawa how much you cared, and how much you missed him.

The brunette's eyes widened, and despite all the pressure that was weighing down on his shoulders, he formed one in return.

You couldn't stop your cheeks from darkening. The instant chemistry that flowed between the two of you was overwhelming, yet somehow comforting.

His commanding gaze caused all your worries to fall back into the deeper parts of your mind. For a moment, you had forgotten about them. Your sadness seemed irrelevant.

"I'll see you after." He mouthed, turning back to his team.

That made you incredibly nervous. How were you going to explain everything that happened to you? Would he see you as someone completely different?

Your jaw clenched. _What if he didn't feel the same?_

One look his way and all your hidden, childish, and embarrassing feelings for him came flooding back.

Taking a deep breath to silence your anxious and somewhat pessimistic thoughts, you gained the courage to glance behind you and look for a seat. There were hundreds of high-schoolers present, many of them who seemed to be shooting you dirty looks-- especially the girls who were cheering Oikawa's name earlier.

Yeah... you definitely should have made one of your friends come with you.

As you were scanning the crowd, you noticed there were other schools present, which were sporting their own school's names. It made you remember how important this game was, the prelims were nothing to be taken lightly.

Feeling as if you were searching for too long, you turned back and decided to stay by the railing. There were countless others doing the same, so you didn't feel too awkward standing beside them.

That was until you heard a husky voice from behind.

"Oh? Karasuno?" It chuckled loudly. You turned, surprised to find a group of high school boys that seemed strikingly familiar.

"Oh!" You blushed, realizing their gazes had been on you since your bold interaction with Oikawa. "Hi again..."

Your eyes widened slightly, as you had forgotten their names. But you remembered them from the joint training camp that Karasuno had been invited to by Nekoma. The other boy was from Fukurodani... you felt bad for not remembering their names- but so much had happened since then.

"You're Karasuno's manager right?" The dark haired one of the duo asked flirtatiously. "Was it L/N?"

Swaying back and forth on your feet, you nodded. "Yeah, but you guys can call me Y/N, that's fine."

Noticing your discomfort of attending the match alone, the Nekoma boy patted the spot next to him. "Come sit by us, Oikawa's girlfriend, don't be shy." You grinned graciously, trying to hide the blush that appeared on your face by his nickname.

"What was your name again? Was it Kuroo?"

"Correct." He gave you a two thumbs up.

You peered past Kuroo, at the Fukurodani boy with white streaks in his hair. "I'm sorry..." You glanced away timidly. "I forgot your name."

"I'm hurt!" He feigned defeat, slumping against his friend in mock anguish, as if his heat had been pierced with cupid's arrow. 

Rolling his eyes, Kuroo leaned over and whispered in your ear. "That's Bokuto."

Playing along, you reached over to pat Bokuto's shoulder. "Oh! How could I forget? It's Bokuto."

"Hey hey hey!" He lifted his head, grinning from ear to ear. "I knew the prettiest girl here would remember my legendary name."

You and Kuroo laughed loudly, noticing a couple odd stares had been directed your way. Biting your lip, you shifted your posture and faced the boys directly, trying to dispel your introvertedness whenever strangers paid you attention.

You were trying your best to remain confident. You used to be so confident. Whenever Oikawa was around, you were at your best.

You just didn't want your joyful childhood memories to fade away once you realized that things with Oikawa could never be the same.

Kuroo though, had to ask questions. It wasn't in his nature to ignore something so evident. You were incredibly shy, while Oikawa was incredibly rambunctious.

"So, Y/N..."

Furrowing his eyebrows, he tried to piece together the pairing. _How would that even happen?_ You were the Karasuno volleyball manager and he was the long-running Aoba Johsai captain. It's not like you were physically close.

One look at you and Kuroo knew you were way too pretty to be just a fan girl to him.

"Did you come to watch Oikawa?"

Preparing yourself for that exact question, you answered quickly. "Yes, Tooru and Hajime both invited me."

Noting the lack of informality, Kuroo pressed further. Though you were shy, you seemed laid back enough to let him call you by your first name after the second time meeting. From the moment he had met you, it was easy to see why everyone was fond of your charming, innocent and careful personality.

"How do you know them?"

Smiling, you laid your hands in your lap. "We used to go to the same middle school. I've known them for years."

Bokuto was practically drooling over the softness of your voice. Timid, yet forthcoming. Kuroo nudged him in the ribs, unbeknownst to you. 

"Why haven't we seen more of you then? Especially at his games." Kuroo asked, his eyes flickering down to the side of the court where Oikawa was practicing his serves.

You knew the captain was trying to be friendly, so you let him pry for more information.

Trying to relax, you chucked quietly. "It's complicated. I moved a couple years ago and haven't seen him a lot since then."

"That makes sense, since you're at different schools."

The brief sadness that filled your eyes was enough to communicate to the boys that you wouldn't touch more on the subject.

What had happened between you and Oikawa was common. Most high schoolers could relate. Life was a roller-coaster that threw you into loop after loop.

"I would have texted you every day." Bokuto boasted, trying to cheer you up.

"That's why you don't have a girlfriend you clingy bastard." Kuroo shoved him playfully.

You managed to giggle, genuinely. "Thanks." You stuck your tongue out at Bokuto. He turned his head away and blushed.

Changing the topic, Kuroo asked gently. "Anyways, are you going to manage Karasuno next semester?"

He was great at holding conversation. Meanwhile, Bokuto's attention kept averting elsewhere, practically to everything else happening around you.

"I plan to. Especially since the upset yesterday. I can't leave my boys hanging like that."

_They need me. But I need them more._

"Ah, yes. I bet that was hard for you."

"How are my pupils doing?" Bokuto reentered the conversation at the presumed mention of Hinata and Tsukishima.

Your nose crinkled as you giggled. "Could be better, but they'll get over it. Don't tell them I said that."

"It might slip out of his big fat mouth." Kuroo rolled his eyes.

Opening your mouth to retort a sarcastic comment, you were interrupted by the referee's whistle, signaling that the match was about to formally commence.

 _Oikawa._ Your mind practically screamed. _Please win, Oikawa._

Turning back to Kuroo and Bokuto, you winked teasingly. "Well even if they are your pupils, don't underestimate Karasuno. We're gonna beat your ass next time."

Kuroo grinned. "I can't wait."

Bokuto gave you a thumbs up, not completely understanding your perceived yet comical threat.

And that was when the second whistle blew, granting Oikawa permission to start the match with his infamous serve.

You held your breath, mentally crossing your fingers as he threw the ball high into the air.

His posture was perfected. His eyes focused. And as he jumped, his disheveled hair flew graciously with the breeze.

"OoooooooOooO-LAY!"

* * *

Awkward.

That was the mood that settled between you and Oikawa as you buckled up in his passenger seat.

He didn't say a word.

You didn't say a word.

You knew he had planned out the rest of his day trying to make you happy, but since he had lost the most important match of his Highschool volleyball career— all that lingered in his expression was anger.

It pained you to see him so distraught, and for once, you couldn't find anything to say.

There was probably nothing that could fill the silence to distract him.

Oikawa rested his hands on the wheel, taking a deep breath. It seemed that he didn't want to drive. It seemed that he didn't want to do anything but lay down and cry.

"Let me drive." You offered, glancing at him through the corner of your eye.

The boy paused, keys dangling from the ignition at his movements.

"No." Oikawa exhaled harshly. His cheeks were still red, and so were the palms of his hands. Trailing your eyes across his body, you saw bruising forming along his forearms.

He was about to lose it. The boy who never showed his true emotions, the one who put everyone and everything above himself—was about to lose it.

Unbuckling your seat-belt, you shot him an indisputable glare. "Tooru, I'm driving."

"Okay." His voice cracked.

The two of you exited the vehicle, him rounding the back and heading towards the passenger without another sound.

You swallowed hard, glancing around at all the other boys climbing into their cars. Disappointment lingered in the air, like the many times it had before. But this time, it was harsh. It wasn't mindful. This time it didn't promise another chance.

Oikawa slammed the car door shut, snapping you out of your trance.

"Y/N." A voice called from afar.

Turning, you locked eyes with Iwaizumi. His were full of tears. He must be thinking the same thing as Oikawa— all the third years were. They may never make it to nationals.

"Take care of him."

_Like you always had._

Setting your hand on the door handle, you gave him a confident nod. "I will."

You lingered on Iwaizumi for a moment, shooting him an equally concerned expression. "Will you be alright?"

He nodded. And that was enough for you. He would be okay, but Oikawa wouldn't. The third year captain needed something only you could give him.

Hopping back into the car, you turned the keys for the second time, properly starting the car. As you adjusted the seat and the mirrors, you wondered if you should just drive to a park and let him sort through his emotions.

His parents were probably worried about him, but they knew you were with him. Oikawa-San was probably already preparing a recovery meal for her beloved son. You didn't even need to ask Oikawa to know that he didn't want to go home and face his parents yet.

It may not be a big deal to most, but to Oikawa, volleyball was his entire world.

Taking matters into your own hands, you backed out of the parking space and sped out of the parking lot. The first step to making him feel better was to get out of that godforsaken gym--one that had let him down one too many times.

There was a park that you wanted to take him to, one that you had found years ago and immediately thought he would like. It had a great view, and it was secluded. It was one that you had gone to many times before.

Plus, you didn't know the way to his house from the gym, and were too shy to directly ask. If he wanted to go home that badly, Oikawa would have expressed that.

"You know you can cry, right?" You finally spoke once you were driving down a straight, growing tired of the silence.

"I can't cry in front of you."

You sighed. "I'm your friend, though."

"You're more than that." The confession slipped past him before he had the time to process it.

Briefly taking your eyes off the road, they flickered to him. There were definite tears glossing over Oikawa's chocolate brown irises, ones that were always so full of life and mischief.

Though indirect, his confirmation about his feelings for you was enough to make your heart beat faster. _Was he serious? Or was he trying to distract himself?_

"Then that gives you more of a reason to cry in front of me." You said as softly as you could to prevent your voice from shaking.

The truth was something you weren't ready to face head on. The truth was that you didn't know Oikawa anymore—and he didn't know you. Seeing him again had unfortunately sparked that hope.

"Not right now. Not like this." Oikawa confessed, his teeth taking over his bottom lip in an attempt to silence his impulsive thoughts.

Knowing he had just lost in front of you, in front of everyone, for the last time, one of his last games in his High School career— was almost too much to process.

You knew that's what he was thinking.

Your entire being was contradicting your rational thoughts. How was he so easy to predict after all these years?

It had been almost four years since you had last seen him. Four years and you were still not over your crush.

You shook your head immediately. "I know you're afraid of losing, but you already did that, so now there's nothing to be afraid of."

"Wow." He finally choked out a laugh. "Harsh."

Shrugging, your eyes grazed the landscape in front of you. The cityscape was fading away—transforming into something much more familiar, something much more beautiful. A national park that had dozens of hiking trails, one of which led to your favorite thinking spot. One that you wanted to share with Oikawa in his tender moment.

"I've lost so much. Sometimes it's better that way." Your voice came out in a soft whisper. Whenever you reflected on the past, you were unable to remain strong.

Your words sounded so powerful in your mind, but speaking them into existence was an incredibly difficult process.

You just knew you didn't want to pretend to be strong anymore. You were hurting. Though it had been months, you were still not over it.

Oikawa's eyes were wide as you glanced quickly towards him. "Feel the pain. Don't push it away, or else it will come creeping back when you least expect it."

Though he tried to fight against it, the boy was becoming vulnerable with you by his side. He just felt that he could trust you. He always had.

Even so, he couldn't deny that what you were admitting was concerning.

"It seems we're aren't talking about the same thing, Y/N."

The car came to a stop, parked perfectly even between the white lines. Both of you stared forward, appreciating the mystifying view.

"Come with me." You smiled, ignoring his previous statement by exiting the vehicle and slamming the door shut. Once Oikawa followed suit and walked to your side, you tossed him back his keys.

It was comforting to see that for a moment, his eyes were clear. And when you intertwined your fingers with his, he flashed you a tenderhearted smile. One that you had craved to see again for years. For so long that eventually, you had pushed his memory aside.

You still couldn't believe Oikawa was back in your life. And hopefully, this time he would stay.

"Where are we?" He asked, squeezing your hand gently for reassurance. As he peered into the distance, he realized that the forest line seemed to disappear. And beyond it was nothing but the sky.

"At my spot." You admitted sheepishly.

"To do what?" He teased, trying to pry for more information about your life. "To smoke?"

Rolling your eyes, you pulled him over the curb onto the grass field. "To think, dumbass."

"Oh yeah." He admitted matter-of-factly. "My bad for not knowing that this was your spot. In the middle of nowhere."

You and Oikawa crossed the threshold from field to forest coverage, the landmark sign clear in your vision. It wasn't often you came to gaze at the ocean, but when you did—you were always comforted.

No matter what season, no matter what weather. You came here to realize that your problems were small in the grand scheme of life, even if they seemed tremendous in that moment.

Which was exactly what was happening to Oikawa right now. Gazing for miles into the horizon might not have the same affect on him, but it was worth a try.

"Just listen." You encouraged, smiling at the distance sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shoreline rocks. Birds chirped faintly in the forest canopy, the wind rustling through the leaves.

But strangely, your heartbeat was the loudest.

"I am." His grip slackened as the two of you finally came to the edge of the cliff, your free hand gripping the wooden fence barrier.

The view was breathtaking—especially in that moment. The sun was just beginning to tuck behind the horizon, casting an orange shade across the sky.

For Oikawa, the view was just as beautiful, but all he really cared about was being there with you. He could do without the fancy entourage if it meant finally being able to have your heart.

"I hear it." The boy spoke after a few minutes of silence.

"Hear what?" You turned, his voice barely audible through the relentless breeze. One that chilled your bones, but one that was constantly refreshing.

"I hear nature telling me I would be a fool to let you go for the second time."

Cracking a genuine smile, you shook your head lightly. "That was cheesy."

"Yet bringing me here wasn't?" He tugged you closer, realizing that he'd been holding your hand this entire time. Even though he was sporting his warm up jacket, the wind caused him to shiver. 

Stopping yourself from completely falling against him, you placed your hand on his chest. Faltering at the intimate contact, you tilted your head to the side, far too flustered to look him in the eyes. "Cheesy or not, you like it."

"Maybe." Oikawa breathed, staring down at you with wonder. The years he had spent away from you had transformed you into a stunning young lady. "It's definitely taking my mind off my failure."

"Failure brings better opportunities." 

"Not for me." His voice was low. 

"Think about your future, Tooru." Your hand fell away even if it yearned for his contact, for his warmth. He was vulnerable in this moment and you couldn't take advantage of it.

Surprised by your slight rejection, Oikawa stepped even closer. "I am, Y/N. I think about it everyday, but ever since I saw you again, I can't see another day without you."

"Don't say things like that so casually." Your cheeks were red, and there was a sheepish smile upon your lips, but you couldn't look him in the eyes.

Oikawa gripped your hand again, running his thumb over your palm in a reassuring manner. "You know I would never say something like that if I didn't mean it."

He meant it. He meant it with every fiber in his pathetic being. Why was he being so rash? How could a girl like you ever fall for him? Yes, he knew he was conventionally attractive--but he didn't have much else going for him besides his volleyball career. Yet, even that seemed to be ending prematurely.

"I know." You lip quivered, causing Oikawa to focus in on your anguished expression. Were you going to reject him? That idea caused his heart to sink. He had been rejected a couple of times in his life, but they had never made him feel this way. The boy had never wanted anything as badly as he wanted you.

That wish had remained constant for years.

"Then why won't you let me in?" Oikawa moved his hands to gently cup your cheeks, using his thumb to run across your soft and inviting complexion. One that never failed to take his breath away. 

As if on instinct, you tilted your head at the motion, practically nudging his calloused hand in a blissful response.

"Tooru..." His name left your lips gracefully, mystifying, like the sound of a violin cord that had just been strummed. 

A brief moment of tranquility, one that had revealed your true emotions, was enough to send Oikawa's thoughts spinning. You weren't rejecting him, all you wanted was to take your time. You wanted him to be ready... and you wanted to be ready yourself.

Despite that, Oikawa was finding it hard to keep him composure. Though you hardly made a move, hardly said a thing, you were stunning in his eyes. Everything about you was perfect to him. It had always been, but back then he was too naive to realize the beauty of his friendship with you. The both of you had realized your feelings at the worst time possible. And it seemed that fate was going to repeat the same cycle, causing Oikawa to possibly lose you again.

He was more mature now. And so were you. It had to be right. He had to be with you.

How could Oikawa convey such a thing? No matter what words his brain formulated, they all seemed to fall short.

"You look beautiful right now, Y/N. I mean it."

At the compliment, you bit your lip- eyes immediately glossing over.

Your looks were a blessing and a curse, beautiful you were, but also different. At first glance, he was blinded by your attractiveness, but when he searched deeper into your eyes, there was an unfamiliar melancholy that lingered. The boy could not seem to put his finger on it though— but he was smart enough to notice that something traumatic had taken place.

You were not innocent anymore. And neither was he.

"I can see that the attention has its effects on you." Oikawa observed, knowing that when he had been close to you, attention pointed your way had always caused embarrassment. But nothing to this extent. In many ways, you were the same girl, but in other ways, were incredibly different—with things he never thought would change.

"Looks like we are one in the same." You indirectly referred to his continuous stream of fan girls. Ones that he seemed to be incredibly annoyed of, when other boys his age would relish in the affection.

"No...not at all." He whispered, tracing his finger across your cheek until he gathered enough strands of hair to tuck gently behind your ear. He didn't know how to convince you that he only had eyes for you. Despite the overwhelming attention he received from other girls, he needed to show you that none of that mattered.

Now that you had made him feel better, all he could do was return the favor.

"What happened to you?" Oikawa's words were delicate, tone soft and forthcoming. He had never been as gentle before as he had in that moment.

Seconds passed but all you did was gaze into his eyes. Your history was too much to unload in one sitting. All you wanted to do was enjoy his presence, now that he had come to terms with his volleyball career. "A lot of things." Your vagueness prompted his nose to crinkle with annoyance.

Suddenly, a gust of wind hurdled over the cliff, causing your hair to blow over your shoulders and around the both of your faces. Eventually your strands settled back into place, framing the lines of your features.

A gleeful snicker followed shortly after, causing Oikawa to smile. "I want to hear about them all." He admitted.

 _Did he actually mean that?_ You faltered, suddenly feeling self conscious under his intense gaze. Knowing you could no longer peddle backwards after his decipherable confession, you gripped his jacket, bunching the fabric into a fist.

The force caused Oikawa to stumble, his hand shooting out to grab the guardrail. Eventually, his hands found their place against your hips, inviting you closer, soothing your worries through one simplistic action. 

"Kiss me, Tooru. Kiss me again like you did in eight grade when neither of us had anything to worry about."

And this time, Oikawa could not hold himself back.


	3. Open Your Heart

**The sensation was overwhelming** , yet you cherished every second of it. You gripped onto his jacket with entail, steadying yourself as your knees threatened to buckle underneath you.

It would never be possible to pour almost four years worth of emotions into one kiss. 

Oikawa held onto you just as desperately, pressing into you and begging for more. His large hands moved up from your hips and against your arms. He was unsure where to place them—he was unsure how to please you. 

Deepening the kiss, you pulled him down further. You didn’t want the moment to end, knowing nothing could be more blissful than finally gaining the courage to kiss the boy you loved back. 

“Y/N…” Oikawa mumbled against your lips, his husky, needing tone, sent vibrations down through your core. 

You couldn’t think straight. You couldn’t move. 

You moaned in response; wishing you could continue, wishing more than anything to show him how much you cared for him. If all your problems were nonexistent, you would confess. 

But after your past mistakes—there was no room for error. Everything with Oikawa needed to be slow. It needed to be perfect. 

Placing his hands back on both side of your cheeks, Oikawa pulled his lips away to breathe. The kiss made your eyes sparkle. Oikawa found your embarrassed expression incredibly charming. He always had, and he always would. 

You gaze flickered up, demanding his utmost attention. 

“Fuck, Tooru… why are you doing this to me?”

For a moment, neither of you noticed the tears filling your eyes. You didn’t even know until you felt the warm streams slide across your skin. 

“You need to know how i feel about you.” 

Your breath was gone, your voice refusing to sound. He had always felt this way about you? In the exact same way you had felt about him? 

“How I’ve always felt…” I

You fell against him in defeat before he could finish his sentence. And shockingly, he wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace. An embrace that promised you safety. 

“I feel it too. I always have.” You cried into his shirt, letting the tears finally flow in pure vulnerability. It was at that moment that Oikawa realized that he had never seen you cry before. 

Even as a child, you were never weak. If anything, it was always you and Iwaizumi taking care of him. And even if he had just endured an embarrassing and dream-crushing defeat—he needed to be there for you. 

This moment was going to be about you. 

Lifting your head, you mumbled out a few words in hopes to stop yourself from crying. “I never got over you and we were never together… how can that be possible?” 

Oikawa’s eyes glossed over. He could tell you were distraught, that you had been distraught all this time. Your relationship with him had ended so abruptly without any answers, without any communication. The boy had practically mourned his childhood friend, as if you had died. Your family had moved within days and all you said was ‘see you later’ like you were going on vacation, not able to fathom the sense of permanence. 

Oh how badly he wanted to travel back in time to those days. The days when you and him could only care about whose house was going to have enough blankets to cover the rooftop of your pillow fort. 

Despite his words, Oikawa’s face was graced with a smile. “I tried so hard to forget you. I tried to pretend it wasn’t real.” 

“Me too.” 

The boy closed the small gap to press his lips back against yours. You squeezed your eyes shut in response, relishing in the contact. With one simple action, Oikawa was able to send your heart back into overdrive. 

You felt as if your heart was going to burst from the sudden wave of mixed emotions. You were incredibly sad, yet the thought of finally being able to hold him in your arms was enough to silence your inner turmoil. 

_More._ You wanted more. _You wanted all of him and more._

Oikawa could see it in your eyes. He could read you like a book, the only book he had ever wanted to read in his short eighteen years of life. 

Yet, there was still something he did not know. You were different and he needed to know why. To really share what you were hiding inside, Oikawa knew he needed to pry it out of you. 

You had always been so closed off. But not with him. 

“I want to make you mine, Y/N.” He whispered before he could properly formulate the rest of his thoughts. The boy was unable to deny how deeply you affected him, the thought of you alone making his heart race. 

“But-“ 

“But what…?” Your shoulders immediately tensed. One word and your walls shot back up, your conscious immediately preparing you for heartbreak. 

Trying to take a step back, you averted your gaze. But before your heels could even rest back against the parched soil, Oikawa pulled you back into his arms. 

“I need you to tell me what happened.” His voice was soothing in your ear. His breath was gentle as it fanned down the side of your neck. 

“Tell you about what?” You tried to deny him entrance by playing dumb. You didn’t want him to see this side of you. Nobody could. Nobody would. 

_Nobody but him…_

Oikawa didn’t budge, relentlessly prying for information on your traumatic past. “I can just tell, Y/N. Something happened to you.” 

The part of you that you hated refused to show weakness. You wanted so badly to discard the emotional trauma, you wanted to cry until you couldn’t cry anymore. You wanted to fall into Oikawa’s arms and have him hold you up. You wanted somebody to take care of you for once, somebody besides your parents that were hardly dealing with their own demons, the regret and self-loathing that followed the death of a child. 

There was no handbook to guide you through the loss of a family member. One who had been ripped violently from your grasp without a proper goodbye. 

How could you tell Oikawa? How could you relay the information that someone he knew as a child had passed away without his knowledge? Without a word from you or anyone else that knew him. 

Was there any way to explain why he wasn’t invited to the funeral? Even if the answer was as simple as you had forgotten. Only family members had been allowed to attend, your parents unable to keep it together in front of anyone else. 

“Tell me,” Oikawa breathed, eyes searching yours for a possible answer. Anything that could explain the despondency that littered your expression, your gaze, your movements. Where did the life and soul he had grown to love go? “You can tell me anything.” he promised, imploring for an answer at this point. 

It broke his heart to see you like this. So desperate and lifeless, a stark contrast from the bubbly, shy, yet excited and playful girl that had been by his side for years. 

Oikawa wanted her back. He _needed_ her back. Or else he wasn’t sure how he would make it through his senior year unscathed by pain and disappointment. 

Selfish, yes. But Oikawa was rarely selfish. 

“Y/N?” His voice cracked. The boy was growing concerned that you had gone almost a minute without replying. Your eyes staring straight ahead, gears seeming to turn inside of your head as you tried to invent an excuse as to what happened to you. 

_Why were you so closed off?_

“Please.” Oikawa exhaled, hand caressing your cheek once more. Your eyes closed shut in response, savoring his touch, his actions- practically everything about him that you had been deprived of for years. 

“Haru died, Tooru—“ Your voice faltered at the mention of your brother’s name. “He’s been dead for months.” 

Oikawa swallowed hard, shock crossing his face in an overwhelming amount. It was evident that he had no knowledge of his passing. “Y-you’re brother?”

You nodded furiously, in hopes that you didn’t have to repeat the sentence. Now that part of the truth had been unveiled, you were bracing yourself for more questions. 

“Oh my God…” Oikawa blinked, his sculpted nose scrunching in an unpleasant way as he briefly reflected on every moment he had spent with your baby brother. “Please tell me you’re joking…” 

Tears graced his strikingly mystifying eyes. The sight of him falling apart at the mention of your brother’s name caused you to panic. You weren’t even sure if he had remembered you brother, someone as popular and busy as Oikawa had many friends, with many siblings, and many family members. 

But truthfully, you were the one who had forgotten about the moments you shared. The moments that Oikawa had cherished and held shocking close to his heart. 

Another gust of wind blew over the cliff, strong enough to ruffle Oikawa’s brown strands so far out of place that he was briefly distracted. Now, to you, the wind felt like nothing. You wanted to feel it, yet there was nothing. 

“No… no, he got in a car accident… with friends…” 

But he didn’t say anything at all, he just hugged you as tightly as he could. Nothing else had to be uttered, for Oikawa knew you well enough to realize all you needed was contact. Contact that you were unable to gain from another, for nobody else had compared to how safe you felt in his arms. 

“Tooru-” The plea left your lips in desperation. _How did you let this happen?_ You were supposed to be comforting him. He was the one who was devastated… Yet, now all he could focus on was making you feel sane again. 

“Shh…” Gently, he rested his chin on the top of your head. “Everything will be okay in time.” 

You gripped him back, letting your tears soak into his shirt. This was the first time you felt helpless in Oikawa’s arms. This was the first time uncertainty crept into your mind. You had always been so sure of your future plans. You had always been so sure of what was best for you, what you wanted, and what you wanted to care for. 

Yet being able to nuzzle Oikawa’s chest again, brought a form of suppressed hope that made you question everything you had ever known. Recently, everything that had ever been stable in your life had been snatched away from you. 

What was wrong in finally letting Oikawa truly in, in all of his entirety? If anything, that was what you deserved. 

“With you, I might be okay.” Your words came out quickly, hopelessly unfiltered and truthful. 

“Y/N,” Your name upon his lips caused shivers to course down your spine. _How could you let someone have so much power over you?_

With an immense amount of courage, you raised your head from the safety and comfort of his chest, Listening to his heartbeat was enough to put you at ease. The ringing in your ears subsided, and that’s when a familiar sinking feeling resided back into your stomach.

There was still more to confess. From you and from him. 

“There’s more.” Oikawa insisted. “I know there is.” 

Clutching onto his hand for support, you nodded once more. There was no use in holding anything back. “The only boyfriend I ever had cheated on me, right before this all happened…” 

You didn’t need to explain why it hurt so much. Even if you felt like you did, the pain was perceptible. For months you hadn’t processed the emotions you were feeling. As if there was even a correct way to mourn the loss of a brother and the loss of a lover at the same time. 

Tears immediately filled Oikawa’s eyes. Angrily, he bit his lip, averting his eyes in shame. He wasn’t mad at you, he was mad at himself. _How could he let life take you away from him?_ The boy felt like he was meant to protect you, and you had been damaged every second he was absent. 

But without the distance, he might have never been able to realize how deeply he cared for you. The love that had always occupied his heart and refused to leave. 

“Who.” Oikawa demanded, squeezing your hands reassuringly. “Nobody gets to hurt my girl.” 

Your heart skipped a beat from the informality. It felt so good to hear him admit that. Your heart had always been his, even if you tried desperately to deny it. You didn’t want to be like everyone else. Everyone was infatuated with Oikawa whether both of you wanted to admit it or not. 

“It doesn't… It doesn’t matter…” Your voice faltered. “I wasn’t your girl at the time.” 

“You were before, and you are now.” Oikawa’s eyes were threatening to overflow, to expose the weakness he had been trying too hard to conceal. He didn’t want you to see him like this. You were the last person he wanted to fall apart in front of. “It’s always been you.” 

The corners of your lips upturned to form a smile. You had never wanted to be anyone else’s but his. That’s why your last breakup was so heartbreaking. You had used someone else, willing to try anything to get over Oikawa. It was childish, and that was your mistake, but in the end it had turned around to emotionally scar you. 

Oikawa had made the same mistake, and received the same consequences. 

Taken hostage by your emotions, you bunched your fingers around Oikawa’s warm-up jacket and pulled him back down to kiss you. The kiss wasn’t sweet this time, it was angry, it was filled with regret and remorse. 

Oikawa didn’t want to stop. He wanted to continue until his lips were bruised and his heart was full. 

Yet, despite the conformation in the kiss, there was still conflict in your eyes. Resting your hand against the hardness of his chest, your questions persisted. “What happened to you?” 

The boy set his hand over yours. The waves crashing against the shoreline below had somehow increased in volume, but that was because the wind had subsided. No matter what he said, Oikawa would look back at this moment with you and cherish it. 

There was something so beautiful laced within nature’s tranquility. It heightened Oikawa’s confession and his emotions. The stunning angle of the sun danced along your features, carving an angel out of an ordinary girl for one single boy–him. 

_Why couldn’t it have always been that way?_

“I had a girlfriend for a while.” Oikawa’s eyes grew dark. “She broke up with me because she knew I was still in love with someone else.” 

He had blamed it on volleyball. But in truth, he had never pursued another wholeheartedly. He didn’t want to, and he didn’t know why. He could have any girl he wanted. And now that you were back in his arms, the subconscious reasoning behind his desire was glaringly obvious. 

Your mouth parted at the confession. 

But before you could say anything, Oikawa continued. “That someone was you. I was never able to get over it because I realized it too late.” 

“It happens.” You whispered, sympathizing with his previous actions. You had been in the same boat, but Oikawa was lucky enough to try with a girl who didn’t break his heart in the process. You weren’t as lucky, you were scarred, almost beyond repair. 

What had happened in the past was inhibiting your eagerness to love Oikawa to your fullest potential. You didn’t want to ruin things with him. You knew the boy well, or you had, and you knew what made him tick. You knew what made him happy. 

“It really doesn't…” He sighed. “I shouldn’t have done that to her.” 

The mistakes from Oikawa’s past were not entirely uncommon. Yet, he was not afraid to admit his wrongdoings in your presence. That’s what made him strong in your eyes, and with his honesty and vulnerability, came the urge from within yourself to do the same. 

Funnily enough, you were still jealous despite the blatant fact that Oikawa had always put you first. Even though you had no reason to be. For a relationship was two sided and you had neglected him as well. 

Shoving those unwarranted feelings away, you decided to make him smile instead. He had such a blinding smile, one that could cheer you up no matter what topic was at hand. “I’m surprised you were even able to convince her in the first place to be your girlfriend… With your fangirls and all.” 

“Wowww Y/N, you really have to bring that up after such a heartfelt moment, huh?” The boy shook his head, and when you finally saw his lips curve up with a grin, you poked him in return, hoping to rile him up even further. Like you used to, like you always had. 

“I know…” You shrugged. For a moment, you were hesitant to admit it. But when you gazed into Oikawa’s eyes, you knew your admittance was safe with him. “I’m just a jealous person… I always have been.” 

The boy seemed as if he wanted to bring you back into his arms. “As you should be.” 

“Has any of…” You paused. “That changed?” 

Suddenly, before you could fully fathom what your own words were referring to, you reflected on the countless moments of you watching girl after girl confess to Oikawa, of them giving him presents, and of them surrounding him to the point where you felt unwanted and rejected. 

The memories were evident in your expression. Childish and immature maybe, but to you, it felt like the world. You couldn’t help how you felt because it was human nature. Jealousy, sadness, and possessiveness. 

“I receive a lot of attention from others. But none of it is real. None of it matters.” 

Oikawa meant it with every fiber in his being, with every single word he uttered, with every emotion he had ever felt towards you. Everything was heightened holding you in his arms, everything washed over him like a wave. Now that he was old enough to properly process the feelings that were deeply rooted within his soul. 

“I would do anything for you.” 

His words pulled tightly against your heartstrings, so forcefully that you felt the urge to make love with him for eternity. You couldn’t describe the feeling, relief? Was it relief over the countless years you had spent craving for his touch and affection? 

“Me too.” You grasped his hands once more. 

It was then that you realized the time spent without Oikawa was intended. The both of you needed to mature separately before you could truly come together as one. Even if you thought he was perfect, he wasn’t. He still had more growing to do, but now most of it could be with you by his side. 

You were far from perfect then, and you will still far from perfect now. But you knew that Oikawa had changed, and now possibly, he could love you despite your faults. 

Without being apart, your love for him might have remained in the shadows. 

You were not children anymore. 

Still, you wanted to feel like a child. You wanted to dive head first into the relationship you had always craved with Oikawa. _What was stopping you now?_

“I promise to never hurt you.” Oikawa said, squeezing your hand and leaning forward to press his lips against the top of your forehead. 

“I believe you.” 

Oikawa’s eyes widened. “Really?” 

Snickering, you pulled away from him to fully immerse yourself in your surroundings before you and him left the magical spot. “Why’s that so hard to believe?”

“Do you know how stubborn you are? I prepared an entire speech in my head!” 

“How thoughtful.” You grinned sheepishly. 

“You always tease me, Y/N-Chan.” He rested his arm around your shoulders, nuzzling you with innocent and nostalgic affection. 

“There it is.” You whispered, relieved to see that his normal, playful, and teasing nature was creeping back into his gestures and vocabulary. 

“There is what?” He teased, knowing you had already deciphered the meaning behind the nickname. A nickname that had started with you and had branched out into his countless friends and other relationships. 

You tilted your chin up, side-eyeing him with a simper. A simper that somehow spoke volumes about the underlying meanings with each sentence you spoke into the restless winds. 

The breeze felt cool against your cheeks, stabilizing the heat that threatened to persevere. Yet, you remained warm under Oikawa’s frame, the weight of his body causing your mind to swell with endless possibilities. 

Suddenly he shifted, he shifted in the way that you would have when you finally gained the courage to admit something that had been settled into your subconscious for weeks. 

_Out with it._

Oikawa shifted his gaze onto you, solely. “Y/N… Will you be my girlfriend?” 

Your heart palpitated sharply. _Was this the right move? Was this actually what you had been yearning for?_

Searching his smoldering amber eyes, you found your answer. There was barely a second that passed before you replied. “That was all I ever wanted.” 

He exhaled, so deeply that his breath fanned down the small of your neck. “Thank God.” 

You loved him. You truly did, thinking it through, there was not a reason that you couldn’t. 

Minutes passed in comfortable silence. A silence that was deafening in the most exhilarating way. Staring into the horizon, you were reminded of the many times you had gazed into it before. You had never brought anyone there before, not your brother, not your previous boyfriend. This had been your spot, but now it was the spot you shared with Oikawa. 

And before you could realize, the hole in your heart, the hole that you had been desperate to fill for months, was healed. 

And it was all because of Oikawa. The boy had you fallen in love with and had never fallen out of love with.


	4. Finally Mine

You could never openly admit it, but when Oikawa had suggested bringing you back to his house, you felt all your previous what-ifs and worries disappear. Without a proper acknowledgement, the memories of you and your afternoons spent in his backyard playing volleyball filled your mind the entire way back to his childhood home. It had been years, it had felt like an eternity, yet it also felt like it was yesterday. 

Oikawa’s mother hadn’t aged a day. She was just as charming and youthful as before. When she watched you walk through the front door, her neutral expression switched into one of pure astonishment. 

“Y/N?” She gasped, immediately setting down the kitchen utensils she was using to come and embrace you in a warm hug. It felt surprisingly comforting to be back in her arms. She looked the same as she had the last day you saw her. Just as beautiful and just as charming, her features clearly reflected through her only son. 

“Rina-” You smiled, wrapping your arms around her just as friendly, like you had never spent a day apart. Truthfully, you were surprised–you hadn’t expected her to recognize you. 

“How long has it been?” She gushed, pulling away to get a better look at you. “My, my… You have grown into such a beautiful young lady.” 

“Hasn’t she?” Oikawa complimented, one of his hands reaching behind his neck to scratch it sheepishly. His movements were natural, as if he had discussed your impending arrival before. 

In the corner of your eye, you noticed them share a look. A look that could be considered indecipherable, but one that you could tell was of approval. You had known them since you were a child after all. There was a probable chance that Oikawa had mentioned your name a couple days earlier. 

“What brings you back here?” 

Oikawa answered for you. “She’s managing the Karasuno volleyball team. Isn’t that great?” 

“Really?” She cooed. 

“Yeah.” You grinned. 

“I didn’t even realize until I got there! Mama, it was crazy.” Oikawa chuckled, immediately clearing his throat once he realized you were staring at him with an unabashed expression. You had always found it adorable how much respect and love Oikawa had for his mother. 

“But of course I beat her team to spite her.” 

“I’m sure you did.” Rina chuckled, shaking her head in a form of apology for his ‘childish’ behavior. One thing that would never leave a man was their inevitable craving to win. Especially one that had been working all of his life to become the best. Oikawa had always believed he wasn’t born with natural talent, yet seeing him demand the entire court’s presence during your match was enough to make you roll your eyes. He was unbelievably talented. You knew he would go far with his gift. 

“Well, can I make you something to eat?” She asked, taking a step back and gesturing to the kitchen. “Will you stay for dinner?” 

You weren’t necessarily hungry, but when you glanced at Oikawa, the look in his eyes confirmed that you should agree regardless. It was obvious that his mother was keen on making dinner for you like old times. 

“Of course.” You bowed your head slightly, grinning from ear to ear at her enthusiasm. “I would be happy to.” 

Rina clasped her hands together in delight. Even Oikawa seemed surprised to see her so excited about something as simple as dinner. Unbeknownst to them both, Oikawa’s mother was just happy to see him bring home a girl. He only had one girlfriend before, but it was obvious that they weren’t going to last long. It had been to everyone, yet deep down inside Rina knew exactly what was going through her son’s mind. He had never paid attention to a girl like the way he had with you. 

And the only thing Rina felt like she could do to help her son win your heart was to make you feel welcome in their home. She just wanted her son to be happy, and it was obvious that you could be the girl to grant her wish, one who had always been there. 

“I’ll make a lot.” She said, already shuffling through the cupboards to prepare. “I know you must be hungry, Tooru.” 

“I am,” He laughed. “Thanks Mama, we’ll be back down once dinner is ready. Just text me and we’ll come down” 

“Yes!” She cheered. “Y/N, we need to catch up, okay? Tell me about the family and everything.” 

For a moment, your heart seemed to drop down to your stomach. You wanted nothing more than to tell Rina that your family was as content as ever, that they were succeeding in their jobs, and that your brother had successfully graduated middle school. But none of that was true, that part of your life was currently in shambles, and you were piecing it back together piece by piece. 

At least you had the Oikawa’s back by your side. You felt as if they were kneeling next to you, taking a portion of your burden and taping the pieces back together in places you couldn’t reach. 

“Of course!” You replied through the best smile you could muster, which wasn’t much. 

Oikawa noticed your smile lower. In reply, he set a comforting hand on the small of your back and led you down the hallway. It was his way of reassuring you that everything was going to be okay. Though his jersey still had a distasteful stench to it, you leaned into him. 

“You don’t need to tell her about your brother if you don’t want to.” The boy whispered once the two of you were out of distance, the thick walls preventing any sound from admitting down the hall. 

“I will.” You breathed. “Eventually, because she deserves to know. She was a family friend, and so were you.” 

He nodded in reply, finally twisting the doorknob of his bedroom door. “I can’t wait to change out of these clothes!” He said louder than needed, perhaps to deflect any suspicions that his mother might have about your demeanor. Yet, what he said was suggesting enough, and you flushed with embarrassment. 

“Nice one.” You giggled, reaching your arm out and smacking his bicep lightly. You were relieved to know that his mother probably didn’t know the extent of your rekindled relationship. She probably wouldn’t suspect anything suggestive to happen. 

Yet… why did you care so much? It wasn’t like anything would happen, even if you wanted it to. 

Taking a deep breath, you heard Oikawa switch the lock behind him. 

Entering the threshold of Oikawa’s room was like you had entered a different world than what you had remembered from before. 

It wasn’t a messy room, but it was cluttered. On the wall hung framed achievements he had been awarded throughout grade school. He even had a trophy shelf. The thought put a smile on your face, relieved to find that he was still the same competitive Oikawa you had loved years before. 

You heard him shuffling through his dresser as you scanned his belongings. 

His room didn’t contain much else, just the standard bedroom accessories. His desk was stacked high with textbooks and assignments. That was what originally drew your eyes to the piece of furniture. But what you found next brought potential tears to your eyes. 

The single picture he had decided to frame was one of you. 

“Tooru…” You breathed, voice immediately faltering. Without thinking, you reached for it, desperate to hold it between your fingertips. You remembered the day it was taken. You had been so overwhelmed to start eighth grade, yet for this picture, you smiled genuinely. That was because on your right was Oikawa, and on your left was Iwaizumi. In that moment, having them by your side meant everything. They had walked you to your classroom, proud of you for being accepted into the honor roll. They were proud even if it meant you would no longer be in their class. 

“Has it been there all this time?” You asked, feeling his presence come from behind. Shivers cascaded down your spine from his proximity, yet your eyes remained on the photo. You were shocked to find it, so shocked that you had been in his memory this entire time. 

What had ever happened to the three of you? 

Life. You squeezed your eyes shut, wishing you could hold the rest of your tears in. You had already cried enough in front of him. There was no need to cry about something you couldn’t change. 

“It hasn’t moved for three years.” He whispered so softly you knew it wasn’t a lie. 

Setting the frame back into its rightful place, you turned around to find Oikawa shirtless. For a moment, you were dumbfounded. But ever since Oikawa waltzed back into your life, there wasn’t an emotion he hadn’t provoked from you. 

Possible questions were racing through your mind. Why would he keep that picture framed? Had he really been missing you all this time? If your face had been in front of him this long why did he never reach out to you? 

Despite that, no words flew from your mouth. All you could do was reach out and set your arm against his chest. Observing that picture had caused your heart to soften. He had framed it, protected and cherished it. Maybe not you, but at least the memory.

Your entire body felt tender, so tender that it would be easy to admit what was on your mind. 

“Tooru-” You finally breathed, your eyes flashing across the bareness of his toned chest. You wanted to look elsewhere but your eyes were drawn to him, your brain finally processing that it was your childhood crush that the body belonged to. 

Oikawa’s hand reached up and rested against your jawline, tipping your chin up. His hands felt like ice against your burning skin. Normally he would crack a joke, possibly tease you for being so flustered. Yet, he reclaimed the silence in return. He felt the tension too, his own mind trying to picture what your body looked like underneath. 

You needed him. You were gripping onto him by this point, almost begging for him to make the first move.

“I…” Oikawa faltered, relaxing slightly from your more than eager embrace. He hesitated, searching your eyes for an answer. “I kept this picture for all these years because I loved you. It felt wrong to throw it away, even if you were gone.” 

You blushed, finally flashing your gaze away from his hypnotizing face. Your stomach flipped with butterflies under the touch of your best friend—a touch that felt familiar, yet so foreign in its unexplored way. He had never touched you like this before, so compassionate; yet laced with hunger. 

Then, as you finally processed what he had confessed, your eyes widened. “What?—” You were cut off by his lips connecting with yours, engulfing your thoughts in complete and utter bliss. For a brief moment, your eyes stayed open, and through it, all your resistance disappeared.

You melted against his towering frame, succumbing to your desires. His lips mended perfectly with yours in motions that were so passionate you could hardly focus on breathing.

You clutched onto Oikawa’s arm to steady your weakening knees. His kisses became rougher, hungrier, more intense with each passing moment. You became drunk on the lips that you had waited so long for.

“I love…” You gasped, trying to pull away and accept his confession. “I love you too.” 

“Good.” Oikawa curled his arm around your waist and pulled you onto his bed. You fell on top of him, a giggle escaping your lips. Your eyes flickered back down to his reddening lips, his position inviting you for more. But like before, Oikawa made the decision for you when his hands cupped your face and brought you towards him. 

You had years of kissing to cover. And with each movement your lips made, your emotions heightened, begging for more, begging for all of him. 

Lips refusing to disconnect, you shifted positions until you were straddling him. Oikawa groaned in response, the slightest movement from you causing him to grow hard. Instinctively, his hands moved from your face and latched onto your hips. The boy grasped them tightly, almost pawing in hopes that your clothes would fall away that easily. He wanted to take you as soon as he could, infatuated with you from day one. 

You needed him. Every fiber in your being was pulsating for the urge to become one. The way he moved his hips in response to your contact relayed that he felt the same. 

Refusing to contemplate if you should for another minute, you broke away from the kiss, saliva connecting your lips to his. Blushing, you gained a moment to breathe, cheeks tainted with evidence of your current, sinful state. You wanted more. But was now the right time? 

Staring into your mystifying eyes was enough to give Oikawa his answer. Yes, the right time was now. “She won’t hear.” He whispered. “If you can be quiet for me.” 

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. There was no way you could leave his bedroom without satisfying the sensual urge that filled every sense. You ran your hands through Oikawa’s chocolate curls, pulling him as close as you could, the make out session escalating faster than you ever would have thought. 

Crawling out from underneath you, Oikawa beckoned you to switch positions. You obediently laid on your back, trying to avert your eyes in embarrassment as the boy you loved helped you out of your shirt. As both top garments slipped off your body, you felt the lustful heat creep back into your core, stimulated by the simplest action. 

Having your chest exposed for the first time, Oikawa ravished the touch, letting his hands linger and brush against all the places you had never let him before. Even if he had always fantasized about doing so, nothing could compare to the reality. 

Feeling the hotness of Oikawa’s mouth against your breasts almost caused you to moan out loud. How were you going to keep quiet? 

“Shh…” the boy whispered against your skin, grinding his hips into your core for another distraction. He was enjoying himself as much as you were. “Be quiet.” 

The hardness in his pants ignited something deep within you. It felt heavenly, the sexual contact so foreign from his hands, something you had wished for just as hard as he had. 

But your breaths soon become muffled mewls of erotic pleasure as Oikawa bruised the sensitive spot on your neck. He moved his hands down to your thighs, rubbing softly and sensually. 

“I want to see all of you…” He groaned against your skin, pulling his head away to stare into your own lust filled eyes, searching for any sort of conformation. 

You were flustered, pressed entirely against his chest as he continued to play with your body. How could you say no? That’s what was racing through your mind as his hands snaked down your sides and over your panties. Before you could process his actions, you felt his fingers against your clit, fingers rubbing in soft, slow circles. 

“T-Tooru…” You pleaded in short quick whimpers, not wanting him to stop grinding against the incredibly sensitive spot. No boy had ever teased you like this, with such tenderness and care. 

Confidence surged through your veins at his touch, exciting you and sending waves of passion across your body. With the newfound feeling, you decided to please him back, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling his face into your exposed chest. 

“I want you inside me…"You whimpered, grinding against his fingers to display just how badly you were wishing. 

"Fuck.. Y/N… don’t say that…” Oikawa grunted, grasping hold of your chin to bring your lips back together with his. 

Despite the heated tongue locking, Oikawa continued to massage between your thighs, trailing under your shorts and past your underwear, until he quickly inserted them. You moaned loudly, tears gathering on your eyelids from how blissful it felt. “P-please…” You whined, gripping onto his shoulders as your clit pulsed with heat. 

The boy’s body was trembling just as much, the nerves finally setting in. All Oikawa wanted to do was please you, he wanted to do such a wonderful job that you were unable to think of anyone else. Though, no matter what happened, you would always think he was handsome, especially how apparent he made his emotions known, the sexual and the physical, his own composure coming undone against you. 

Moving your hands forward, you touched his toned chest, your fingers exploring and caressing every muscle you could get your hands on. Oikawa relaxed at the desperation laced within your actions, his breathing faltering for a moment before he grabbed your hands and forced them against bed. 

You stared deeply into his eyes, him doing the same. Take me. You pleaded silently. Do it before it’s too late. 

The boy pinned you down, hovering over on one knee, not wasting another second to finally slide your panties down your legs until you were completely naked. You threw your head back at the contact of his hands caressing your breasts. 

“You’re so beautiful.” Oikawa whispered huskily. Astounded, he pulled away his boxers, revealing his own assets. Before you could fully take in his length, you felt his cock poke against your entrance. Bucking your hips in response, your movements caused your breasts to brush against his abs. The feeling of skin on skin was almost enough to push Oikawa over the edge, his member twitching in desperation. He had never felt like this before, utterly shocked by his devouring nature. 

He loved you. Oikawa couldn’t fight the attraction any longer. Now, there was no turning back. He had already resisted his entire life, waiting for the right moment until he was sure you could fully become his. He had put everything before you, yet now he wanted to put you first. 

Without another second to pass, Oikawa abruptly pulled your naked body to the edge of the bed and smiled down at your flustered cheeks. All this for him. No matter what had happened in the time you were apart, he still loved you the same. 

Though every subconscious thought throughout his teenage years had undoubtedly prepared him for this moment, he was still awestruck. Oikawa never could have guessed that he would have been in love with the same girl for his entire life, in love with you. 

“Tooru…” You whimpered, tone evidently conveying embarrassment. 

Despite the heat that pulsated between you and him, your legs unconsciously clasped back together at the sight of him, something you weren’t sure you could handle. What if you couldn’t please him? Everything you had ever wanted to do to him suddenly became a distant memory. You were frightened that he wouldn’t love you like he claimed afterwards. Exactly what had happened in your past relationship. 

“Are you okay?” Oikawa called out soothingly, even though deep inside he was embarrassed by your reaction. His cold fingers pried your legs back open so he could touch you lovingly, tenderly. He only wanted to appreciate you and everything you had done for him. 

“Yeah… “You nodded, wanting him to continue. Your thoughts were running ramped, wishing you could pour every emotion you had ever felt with him into this moment. You were going to move on from your past love, you were going to become a woman with the man you had always dreamt about. 

Oikawa kissed your inner thighs, leaving long and lingering sucks that made you squirm with pleasure…. It felt so nice but you refused to let out more than gasps, refusing to reveal your intentions to his mother, a woman you had known your entire life. 

Well, that was until the boy stuck his tongue inside of you. 

You gripped the sheets in panic, never imagining how incredible the feeling could be. “Oh my god…” You whimpered, throwing your head back at the sensation. 

Oikawa was simulated by your sounds, due to the speed his tongue licked and massaged against your clit. You grabbed his hair and pushed his face down harder, completely satisfied with how it felt. Yet you couldn’t stop with just this– you needed more. You needed all of him. All your worries faded into the background noise along with the crinkling sheets and low groan of your lover’s baritone. 

You closed your eyes for a moment, only feeling, only touching, only relishing in him. Your mind was filled with his bliss, his passion, his love. 

“Make love with me…” You panted, eyes pleading for the high only he could give you. 

Oikawa gazed down at your expression, his voice shaking from the pleasure. “Are you sure?” He didn’t want to follow through with something you might regret, with something he could tell you had already regretted from the past with another boy. 

“Just do it.” You moaned at the feeling of your region dripping from a mixture of your cum and his saliva. And at that moment, it was the first time you and Oikawa came together as one. 

“Tooru!” You cried softly, gasping in pain as his length penetrated your most sensitive spot. “Shit…” You cursed, squeezing his biceps for support as he slid deep into your throbbing cunt. 

Through desperation of a high, you pulled him closer, desperate to hold onto something to ease the pain of his gigantic shaft, burying your face into the crook of his neck. At your moans, Oikawa thrusted deeper, relishing in the sensation of your walls tightening around him. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath, feeling on top of the world, feeling like he was in the dream he had always wanted to be in. 

“Y/N…” He whispered your name in a strained voice, the veins in his neck popping out. 

“Tooru…” Your breasts bounced up and down from his sensual movements, his ravishing desire threatened to push you over the edge. Allowing yourself to be consumed by it, you could hardly feel him paw at your chest, tilting your head back as your body became limp. 

“Say my name again…"Oikawa groaned, his thrusts sliding deeper and his breath becoming heavier. "Nobody will hear you but me baby…" 

Oikawa shoved himself farther, and tears of pain and pleasure streamed down your face. You were so flustered that you couldn’t seem to focus on anything except the sound of his skin slapping against yours, suddenly paranoid that his mother might hear. 

Praying that the door remained locked, you focused entirely on the moment you had been granted with your new boyfriend. All your fantasies were unfolding and you wanted to relish in them to their fullest extent. No more thinking about the past, he loved you the same, his consummation confirming as much. 

Oikawa slid out and back in, and with one swift motion you felt your body convulse. "Ah!” You gasped, nails digging into his bulging arms wildly. “Tooru… Fuck!" 

"Yeah…” Oikawa moaned, leaning down and resting his head in the crook of your neck. “Just like that baby…” He mumbled, the nickname sounding so dirty upon his lips. 

“Tooru…” you repeated his name as if it was a dream, as if he might leave you at any moment. “I love you…” You choked out between gasps, the pleasurable feeling building stronger and stronger below your abdomen. You couldn’t take the heat any longer, especially as he called you baby. “I’m gonna cum…” 

"Cum on me…” He groaned, knowing that it barely took anything to make you so weak and submissive to his touch. 

You moaned loudly, squeezing onto Oikawa with all your might as you released yourself onto his thick cock. “Oh my god…” You whined, the pressure finally fading away so you could catch your breath, despite your climax Oikawa refused to stop.

He wasn’t finished with you yet. 

“Fuck.” He moaned, his forehead beating with sweat. “Keep moaning my name, I’ll make you cum again." 

"T-Tooru…” You drew him closer, bodies moving together in sync. 

Your face displayed the sexiest, most alluring expression he had ever seen. Oikawa was breathless as he pumped in and out of you. He grit his teeth as the indulgence became unbearable, your walls contracting all around him. 

Oikawa loved you… he was lost in your beauty. He wanted to marry you, he wanted you all for himself. Was this what love felt like? He could really get used to it…

“P-Please..!” Your moans snapped him back fully. You were scratching his skin, wanting to burst at the feeling he gave you. “Tooru…” You bit your lip, gripping his wrists as he reached forward to pinch your nipples. 

Your breath hitched and you locked eyes for the final moment, you felt him twitch inside of you, his thrusts becoming sloppier and sloppier. Your eyes widened, your back arching against the bed as you climaxed together. “Pull out!” You begged. 

You didn’t want the penetration to end, but Oikawa pulled out at the last possible second, moaning as he coated your breasts with his cum. 

“Fuck…” He drawled, watching your chest rise and fall slowly. 

After finishing himself off, he collapsed on the bed right next to you, eyes closed, but a faint smile on your face. 

He leaned over to kiss you gently. You were trembling, but kissed him back just as passionately as the first. “That was amazing…" 

Oikawa exhaled in agreement, wishing this moment would never end. He almost forgot about everything that had happened. He really was lost in you. 

"Will you help me? It’s dripping…” You whispered, wiping the liquid off your breasts with a tissue. Oikawa immediately shot up from the bed to hold you, cheeks red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry…” He muttered, refusing to look you in the eyes as he wiped himself off of you. 

“It’s okay…” You giggled, kissing his cheek. “I loved it." 

Loved. Oikawa’s heart began to beat faster, at this rate he could go for a second round. 

You glanced at your clothes scattered around the room. "Was it supposed to be that good? I never imagined sex could be that good…”

“So I’m that great huh?” Oikawa teased, slipping his hands around your waist and dragging you back onto his lap. The repeated skin on skin contact caused your heart to flutter once again. 

“The best I’ve ever had.” You raised your eyebrows, scrunching your nose in response to the lighthearted chuckle that left his lips. 

“But in all seriousness.” He touched your face lovingly, and you instinctively leaned into the touch, grinning at him with flustered cheeks. “I think it’s because we are made for each other." 

Your eyes glistened with faint tears at the confession, a confession that would never be topped by another, that would resonate with your heart and soul for the rest of your life. Oikawa, your first and your last love. 

"Me too.”

After a couple more minutes of lazy kisses and playful wrestling, Oikawa slipped back into his clothes and retreated to the bathroom. Eyes trailing his stalking frame, you smiled. 

Oikawa was finally yours, the one thing your heart had been craving your years. Now, the split through your heart was starting to mend. His touch alone, romantic or friendly, was enough. 

Your boyfriend came back into the room, laughing. “You might want to fix your hair before we have dinner with my mom.” 

Immediately flustered, you finished changing back into your outfit, straightening out any possible wrinkle that could indicate the passion that had just unfolded. You brushed through your hair with your fingers and applied some chapstick. All the while, Oikawa watched you from a distance, admiring the thought you put into your appearance for his family whether it was out of embarrassment or not. 

You had always cared about him. 

“You look great, there’s no need to worry.” Oikawa took hold of your hands, pulling you into his chest so he could envelop you in a bone crushing hug. 

“Thank you…” You chuckled, squeezing him even tighter in response. “It feels good to finally admit how much I love you.” 

Surely there would be moments where you would reflect on the past, yet, the turmoil was no longer at the forefront of your mind. 

Your previous suffering was all worth it in the end now that you had found your happiness. A happiness that you knew would last a lifetime. 

“Me too, Y/N.” 

You had made it. 

* * *

“Hi, Haru.” Your voice seemed loud as it contrasted against the silence of the graveyard. It was a chilly evening, yet Oikawa’s warmth enveloped your senses. You had never come to your brother’s grave with another. It never felt right to have someone intrude on the brief moments you would come to visit, where you would update him in hopes that he was watching your life unfold from above. Haru had been taken from the world far too soon, and now you were finally starting to come to terms with his passing, almost three years later. 

Staring at his headstone would never not break your heart in two. No matter how hard you tried, you would never forget his youthful face, a face that never held animosity towards anything. It wasn’t fair, it would never be fair. 

No child should die before their parents. 

But now you had Oikawa by your side, the thought of talking over your younger brother’s corpse was bearable. Oikawa insisted that he help carry your burden, washing away your regrets and instead encouraging you to think of the future Haru would have wished for. 

“You remember Tooru, don’t you?” You chuckled. “He misses you too.” 

Oikawa stood next to you, grasping your hand for support. He really didn’t want to watch you cry, yet he realized it might happen. Over the years he had only watched you cry a handful of times, you were normally so strong. 

“Haru,” You started, feeling Oikawa’s thumb over the ring on your finger. You smiled, using your free hand to wipe the tears gathering at your eyelids. “Tooru and I are getting married next month.” 

“I hope you approve.” Oikawa whispered, releasing your hand with a saddening smile. 

“Of course he does.” You managed to laugh. “I mean…He better. You always let him play with you and your friends.” 

Oikawa stepped forward and knelt to set a bouquet of flowers against the headstone. “I wish you could be here, kid.” 

Your fiance came back to your side and kissed your cheek. The hope that Haru was watching over you and Oikawa was enough to give you the courage to move forward. Another gust of wind rustled the trees above you, and through the commotion, came a bird to perch against Haru’s headstone. 

Your fiance grasped your hand once more and pulled you away from the grave. “I love you, and so does Haru.”


End file.
